Starbucks is Full of Crap

Alright, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. Training a barrista at Starbucks nowadays consists of teaching them how to steam milk properly and which buttons they need to push to get the Caffina machine to make the correct amount of crappy espresso. This was a publicity stunt pure and simple, and it was a pretty bad one. I worked in a Barnes & Noble Cafe (where they have been serving Starbucks coffee for over a decade) back in the day (high school and college) when we had to make everything ourselves. That took training, skill and experience to be able to deal with a very volatile little bitch of a drink called coffee. Espresso is very temperamental and it takes a hell of a lot longer than 3.5 hours to learn how to combat ambient humidity, changing water pressure and the effects of barometric pressure on the coffee beans in the hopper to make sure that you can get a perfect shot every time. Starbuck’s didn’t close their stores to train anyone to make coffee, what they most likely did was give their employees a primer on where their coffee comes from, what it tastes like when made properly and how to describe things to customers. Being a barrista at Starbucks hasn’t required any real skill since the creation of the Caffina machine. Additionally, Starbucks sucks. Their coffee is super acidic and generally made by under-trained monkeys who couldn’t steam milk properly if their life depended on it. Honestly, next time you’re waiting in line for your triple non-fat 2 pump sugar free vanilla latte (or as we in the biz called it “a [insert local convenience store name] capp” listen to them steam the milk for your drink. If you can hear them doing it, they’re not doing it right. If they’re doing it right, it will make almost no noise whatsoever. I have never, in my life, had a decent cup of coffee from Starbucks. Not once. Alright, rant over.

Comments

[Daniel]

Amen man, those monkeys have nothing on us.